I guess this contemporary versus traditional argument has been around a long while. I guess I didn’t notice it until recently when it came to turkey hunting. It could be that the turkey hunters I know are mostly illiterate and don’t own PC’s, so they don’t know they’re part of a camp. Somebody coined the term “Traditional Taliban” on here. “Old-Schoolers” is another term. I’m not going to use the terminology of one side to characterize another, but it seems we are locked in a never-ending tussle between traditional versus contemporary methods.

I would like to submit myself as an example of a third camp. On one forum, I was branded an Old-schooler, because I opined that paying $7/round for turkey ammunition would make the turkeys laugh at me so hard I could probably walk up to them and slit their throats while they were rolling on the ground. On the other hand, I have been fingered as an unethical cad in other venues, because I own a pop-up blind and I’m not above putting out a decoy or two when the spirit moves me to do so. I don’t think I am an old-schooler. I am certainly well back from the bleeding edge of technology and ethics. So what am I?

I am a Turkey Hunting Troglodyte

I buy my shotguns used and then spray paint them.

I spend about $1/round for my ammo, but that’s because I can’t find $.25/round ammo anymore.

I owe the game warden the piece of mind that nothing worth his interest is going to happen on my ridge.

I owe the turkey nothing except a fast death.

I owe my fellow hunter safe conduct and courtesy

I owe my wife a vague knowledge of where I’ll be and when I’ll be home.

I owe my sons the benefit of what I’ve learned.

. . and that’s about it.

My Evolution as a Turkey Hunting Troglodyte.

When I started, I had a box call in a baggie and thought I had everything I needed. The turkeys laughed. I thought it was because they thought I was a neophyte

I bought a huge vest filled with every imaginable call and sought that winning edge over the turkey. The turkeys still laughed, and I thought it was because I needed decoys.

At one point or another I have tried every dang gadget there is, decoys included. They all went into the vest. I started huffing and puffing. The turkeys laughed, and I thought it was because I wasn’t in shape. So I exercised and conditioned myself before season.

Now I am past all that. I realized all the calls and gadgets were just weighing me down, and I’m down to a small bag of calls and a deke or two. All the rest of the stuff is taking up space in the closet along with the vest. The turkeys still laugh.

Some day you’ll find me all grey and stiff, propped up against a tree. Beside me will be a used shotgun and a box call in a baggie. Things will have gone full circle and the turkeys will still be laughing.

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