If you follow my writing, you know I write a lot about killing deer, tormenting turkeys,  making 30-something deer rifles go boom and all that fun kind of stuff.  I do not usually write about the process of writing about. . . you get the idea. It usually reads too much like peering at your belly button. I just thought I would write something about the experience of weblogging for a change.

I am moved to do so, because I made a huge leap over the past couple of days.  I’ve never done this weblog with the thought of making money.  However, I have always read of ways you can “Monetize” your weblog.  I was laid up for two nights at a motel again with this big ice storm that came through.  I got bored, and I was looking for stuff to do.

For those of you who don’t get into weblogging, let me explain.  There is a service called AdSense put out by Google.  You sign up for AdSense, and then you have these little widget-thingies that let you put ads on your blog.  The idea is that if your readers see an ad on your site, they might be inclined to click on it.   AdSense promises to put relevant ads on your site based on the demographics of the people who visit.  You have some controls as to whose ads you carry, so that you can keep your competitors from putting ads on your site and stuff like that.  More on that later.

So there I was, stuck in Scumsuck again with nothing better to do than watch Egypt melt down.  I thought “what the heck!” and went for it.  It took a little doing, but after an hour or so, I had a small area blocked out in the third column of the weblog, below the picture gallery, that was going to be devoted to ads.

I should have known there was going to be interesting times ahead when AdSense started asking me to do things like pick which groups of ads I did not want to have on my site.  I could choose to opt in or out of categories like “Male Enhancement”  “Third-World White Slavery”  and “Dystopian Politics”  . I wondered how these were somehow going to be “customized” for my readers’ demographics.  I mean, how many of y’all are into “body modification?” (  Really?  Does it hurt?  No kidding.  Who knew!)   Still, I thought it was worth a try.

Anyhow, I went through the whole drill of getting set up, and hit the final enter key and. . . nothing. All I saw was a little thingus at the bottom of colum #3 that said “SPONSORS”    It stayed there for a day, and I wondered if Google was out there rounding up advertisers for me or if it was crunching my site’s demographics– figured they’d have a hard time finding a good fit for “cervid serial killers.”  I just let it ride.

It wasn’t until late last night that it hit me:  I was using an ad-blocker on my copy of FireFox called ABP.  I’ve always been amazed whenever I turn that sucker off how much goop is out there on the websites I visit.  I’ve had it running for years, and I hardly ever think about it anymore.  Sure enough!  I turned off the ABP and the goop was there– only it wasn’t ordinary goop.  It had been customized for my website!

There were Genesis male enhancement products and Cervid Dating Services and Find the best Deer Loans and Click Here: Date the Turkey of your Dreams!!!  Russian coyote brides waiting to hear from you!!!  and . . .  Yep!  Customized ads, just for the followers of Genesis 9:2-4 Ministries.    I didn’t know there were Genesis Opticals let alone a place that promised the best deals on them.  I did not know there was a Genesis Online Poker  or a Work at Home with your Deer Rifle.  This has opened up a whole new world for me.

It didn’t stop there at the bottom of Column 3 either.  Every post had a big honkin’ ad stuck at the top of it.  There were ads in the cupboard, ads in the hall, I tripped over ads coming down the stairs.  I tried to get to the place to turn off the ads,  and I had to click through ads to get to the place to click through ads to . . . finally, late last night, I got all the ads turned off except for the bottom of Column 3.

The ads are now there, kind of like a horoscope or a This Day In History thing– something to fill space.  I may let them out and run around a bit more.  Frankly I think they’re a hoot. Please don’t think I’m endorsing anything in these ads. A word to the wise  on the male enhancement products:  be careful. Most of them don’t work, and some of them. . .well, frankly they hurt.

If y’all feel like it, I would ask you take some time and click on some of these ads.  So far, nothing bad has happened to me.  I looked at the Genesis Ball Gloves and a pair of Genesis slippers and a Genesis Fishing Reel. Every click earns the Ministry a fraction of a fraction of a cent.     If you find these ads offensive, please feel free to load ABP in your copy of Firefox and the whole bad dream will just go away.  Genesis 9:2-4 Ministries of SW Bracken County needs a new steeple on top of the shed that also doubles as our main sanctuary.  The meat pole also needs a coat of paint.  I promise all this filthy lucre you generate will go to a good cause.  I’m not a sell-out.  I’m providing these ads as . . . a public service!  Yeah!  That’s the ticket.

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