I’ve always been a lousy judge of antlers. My gag is that I’ve got three settings on my internal antler radar:

1) Doe (no antler)
2) Buck (visible antler)
3) Quint, I think we’re going to need a bigger boat.

Up until a few years ago it was inconceivable to me that I’d be putting a tape measure to antlers. I did. I was disappointed. I stopped.

Still everyone keeps asking me “Whatcha think he’ll score???”

There probably isn’t a better way to quantify antlers, but still it is kind of . . . well. . .

• Nobody asks about my wife’s breast size– I don’t stand around with the neighbors arguing whether a 34 D is better or worse than a 45 EE
• Nobody asks how smart my kids are. Nobody is going to say: “Well, is that 137 before or AFTER deductions?”
• Nobody asks if my dogs have proper conformation. I did have a neighbor once ask if my dog was AKC registered. I said, “No, but then neither am I? How about you? ” I stopped talking to her. I think she found this mutually agreeable.
• Nobody asks if they can measure any parts of my anatomy, fresh or dried. If they did, I would turn away and not talk to them ever again.

. . .so why do we think we can quantify how rich our hunting experience is?

So, shaman, you going to mount that monster?

No thanks, I’m happily married.

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