I’ve made a study of all this for well over 20 years.

The shaman’s list of things that will get the turkey’s laughing at you:

1) Fancy new calls
2) $5/round ammo
3) Fancy new matching camo
4) $140 knee-hi snake boots where there ain’t no snakes, especially if the pattern matches the pants and jacket.
5) 10 GA shotguns
6) 3.5″ shotgun shells
7) Turkey vests. Have you ever tried to get a turkey to wear one of them things?
8) Turkey seats. I tried for years to get a turkey to sit in one, but they laughed so hard they kept falling off before I could shoot.

What get turkeys shaking in their knees:

1) Old farts armed with a full-choked 12 GA Winnie, Mossy, or Ithaca pump gun spray painted with Krylon, shooting 2 3/4″ shells of unknown age and shot size. Extra fear is instilled if the shotgun wears the private label of a tire store or hardware store chain that has been out of business for more than 40 years.

2) Box calls carried in Wonder Bread Bags

3) A seat made from a wheelbarrow tire inner tube.

4) A Vietnam War -era olive drab jacket over faded denim bibs.

5) A baseball cap where you can’t tell if it is/was camo or if it just has a lot of grease stains. Ditto on the gloves.

6) Lunches carried in burlap sacks.

If you can affect this sort of rig, and walk across a pasture with some air of authenticity, turkeys will line up at the closest strand of barbed wire and cut their own throats rather than face the music. As a result, you must slip in quietly so the gobblers don’t all commit suicide before you can get a bead on one.

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