The Tipping Point

Every year I face a tipping point when all of a sudden I stop thinking seriously about deer hunting and start contemplating turkeys. If you had asked me a year ago where and when I might have that moment of transformation, I would have offhandedly said it would be at my laptop, looking out the dining room window at home on a cold frosty morning in January. That is where it usually happens. Something snaps inside of me and my inner serial killer starts thinking about birds.

If you had told me I would be laid up at a Super 8 in East Scumsuck, Ohio and I would have nothing but a laptop and cable TV to keep me company and the snow would be piling up outside, I would have told you this was nuts. Such are the random ways of life. I am not complaining, mind you. I have a new job as a consultant and it requires regular travel to East Scumsuck, Ohio. Six months ago, I would have given up a large important part of my anatomy to have a job. Now that I’m back in the saddle again, I’m happy as a clam. The one good piece of news is that, as a consultant, I do not have to worry about filling out vacation requests. I will be able to take off and hunt turkeys at will.

I had nothing else better to do until morning, so I started mapping out what needed to get done before Spring. I had to get Angus’ new turkey gun in order. It is a Remington 870 TB Trap that I got off an old boss of mine. This economic downturn has been a bear for all us old fart data processors. He called me up a year ago, wondering if I knew of any jobs out there. When I told him I didn’t, and I was out of a job too, he said he was looking to unload a shotgun cheap, and he’d throw in a couple boxes of shells. He always gave me good reviews, so I couldn’t turn him down. I could tell he needed the money. I saw turkey gun written all over the deal. I was still on unemployment at the time, so I guess you can call Angus’ shotgun a shovel-ready project funded by the Stimulus. Thank you all for the contribution: your tax dollars made sure a 12 year old will be able to hunt turkeys with a 12 GA this season.

Somewhere I found a cheap barrel for it that would take choke tubes. It has been sitting at my dad’s waiting for the rest. I got on BassPro.com and Grafs.com and found all the pieces, including a True-Glo choke and sight set for $25. The rest?

An Uncle Mike’s set of swivels. You drill through the end cap of the magazine to afix the front stud
A camo shotgun sling
A box of Remington Buffered Magnums in #4– I killed turkey for years with these back before they started making dedicated turkey loads.

I’ll paint up the extra barrel with some Krylon Fusion and Angus will be good to go. Sooner or later somebody will drop a cheap Mossy 500 in my lap and we’ll get him on 3″ shells, but 2 3/4 inch is fine for a 12 year old for now. He calls them in so close he can touch them with the end of the barrel anyway.

With that all out of the way, I started surfing turkey porn on the web. I don’t know if you know this, but don’t ever put the search string “hot wild turkey porn” into Youtube or else you’ll get this:

I’m still trying to get the stain off my eyes.

Supercore is in Florida. I talked to him last weekend. He said he would be back around in a couple of weeks. He has a new Stoeger semi-auto that will need a scope before season. I turned him onto the BSA Boss turkey scope that Sportsmansguide.com has on special for $40, so I’ll be mounting that for him when he gets back. I have one on my Mossy and it does a great job.

O.T. has my blow-snower. I left it with him after deer season to work on, and I have not been back down to pick it up. O.T.’s starting to get better. That lung thing had him all messed up last year. He’s off the oxygen and starting to get back moving around. He said he was going to try and get over to grouse hunt my place. It sucks not having your blow-snower with all this snow on the ground, but I’m stuck in East Scumsuck, so I guess it doesn’t make any difference.

Anyhow, I wanted to let you all know I’m back with my turkey boots on.

Write soon. Write often. Write when you find work!

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