Somebody was asking me the other day about Nitro shells. I said I’d shot Remington Nitro Buffered Magnums for years until switching to Federals. No, he didn’t mean that. He meant those new Nitro custom shells. They are custom built turkey loads that run you about $5 apiece. Nope, never heard of them. Color me old-fashioned, I’ve been shooting at turkeys since the premium stuff was $5 a box–a box of 25!

See, the way it is with me, I figure as long as I keep it on the cheap side, those old turkeys can’t really hurt my feelings. If I go out there on Opening day and I hear all those turkeys laughing at me, I can stand up and yell at them “Oh, yeah! Go ahead and laugh. All I’ve got here is a cheap gun and a few cheap calls, but if you don’t watch yerselves, I’ll blow y’all stinking heads off!” That always shuts them up, at least for a little while.

Turkeys just can’t stand the thought of being shot with 25-cent loads by a man wearing old, worn out camo. They find it demeaning, and they do everything they can to avoid it. I know, I’ve watched them for years and made a study of it. Their only way to foil you, when you’re shooting cheap loads is to come in on you in strange ways and screw with your head, and hope you blow the shot. What those $5 loads do is get the turkeys to stand out at 75 yards and dare you to try a shot. They think it’s cool, and they goad those 2-year olds into doing it to prove they’re worthy gobblers.

If I was to get all duded up in a set of brand new camo, and get me a fancy imported shotgun and shoot fancy shot and pay some guy a lot of money to go sit in his field, when his turkeys came around to laugh at me, I’d really have nothing else to do but join in and laugh right along with them.

Y’all mark my words: those turkeys catch you out in the woods all fancied up and shooting shells costing $5 apiece, they’ll be laughing louder. You listen. You’ll hear them.

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