Hello, Jerry?

Oh, #@$@#! You again?

What do you mean?

You keep calling me? Why don’t you leave me the $#$#@ alone?

Sorry. It’s been a year.

Really now. What is it NOW???

Sorry, Jerry. I can tell you’re busy.

Now, I’m not. I’m dead.

It happened again, Jerry. I got home from work tonight, and I just couldn’t get myself in gear to go hunting. I have a deer at the processor, and –

AND????

I just remembered calling you last year. It felt good talking to you. I thought I’d call you again. I let Mooseboy shoot a deer with that Hawken. You should have seen his face when I just turned it over to him.

AND???

. . . and he shot it, and now it’s a week later, and it’s raining again, and I just can’t seem to get going again. I’m home, with nothing to do.

AND???

Well, the Remington 742 . . .

Did you $#@$ it up?

I’ve retired it.

I told you that if you don’t want it, to just give it back.

It’s a little beyond that Jerry. I’m not complaining, mind you. I had 20 good years out of it. The gunsmith said he didn’t want to work on it.

Send it back to Remington.

I tried Remington. They won’t work on a 742 anymore.

Why not?

I guess it’s been a long time.

And you’re calling me to complain?

No, Jerry. I just wanted to thank you for twenty some years. It was a good rifle.

If you’d done like I said . . . Cripes, you still want me to take that $#@$ rifle back?

Jerry, that’s not why I’m calling. I just wanted to say thank you.

Oh

We had some real laughs, didn’t we?

Yeah. I guess we did.

I guess you dead guys can go boar hunting anytime you want.

No.

No? Why not?

You can, if you want. It’s just that if you go boar hunting up here. . . well, the outcome is always predicatable.

You mean you always get something?

. . and it’s big and the shot is always right where you want it, and the guide always gets run up a tree at least once, and it’s always the biggest boar anyone has ever seen.

Does not sound too bad.

After a while, you just start thinking about turning the gun on yourself– just for something different. That’s the downside of this Heaven #@#@.

Oh.

Well, I’m putting the 742 up on the wall. It’s next to the boar, and I’m putting that picture of us next to it.

That was a good trip. I still remember that bimbo you were doing. She couldn’t believe it when we showed up with all that boar meat.

It tasted good, didn’t it?

It was the best, brother.

I finally got a 35 Whelen– just like we talked about.

That’s nice.

It’s a 7600. I got it to replace the 742.

That’s a pump, right?

Yeah. It replaced the 760.

Sorry, I’m not following that sort of thing anymore. . . 35 Whelen? So you still thinking about moose?

Yeah, maybe one of these days.

Don’t wait.

Why?

uh . . .

Oh yeah– That. Well, Jerry. I just wanted to call and give you a howdy.

Yeah. Thanks.

Keep it strong, man.

Yeah. You too. (click)

Uh, Jerry?

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